Guys Night In
by Nytel
Summary: Six beers and three hours later John was beginning to wonder how it was possible that a drunk McKay was more annoying than a sober McKay. John, Rodney, Ronon friendship fic. No spoilers.


**Guys Night In**

John smiled widely as he fell into his favorite chair and kicked his boots off, tossing his feet up onto his bed. "Poker time?" He asked Ronon, who was sitting on the bed. John reached for the deck of cards that were on the floor by his chair.

The next thing he knew he was almost dislodged from his chair as a shove from Ronon sent his feet flying off the bed, completely throwing off his balance. Thankfully John managed to brace one hand on the floor, and he didn't topple off the chair sideways.

"Mind telling me what that was for, buddy?" John asked as he pulled himself back upright to stare at the Satedan, deck of cards in hand.

Ronon shrugged before reclining leisurely on John's bed. "Your feet smell," he stated concisely.

John rolled his eyes. "My feet do not smell. I showered…" He wracked his brain for the last time. "This morning probably."

Ronon laughed. "We had a mission this morning, remember?"

John grinned sheepishly. "Oh, right. Yeah, well yesterday then. Or if not, then for sure the day before."

Ronon laughed as he leaned forwards, pulling the cards from John's hand and slipping them out of their case. "And people say that I'm the savage one."

John sighed in resignation and settled for extending his legs so that his feet disappeared under the bed. Some people could be just so picky…

It wasn't long until John had forgotten about the whole stinky feet issue and Ronon and him were well into their game of poker. The stakes weren't high, seeing as they were playing with pennies, but it didn't stop either of them from getting really into it. John grabbed his bottle of half empty beer from the nightstand and took a sip before placing it back. He was just about to raise Ronon when he heard the door chime go off, meaning someone was waiting outside his room.

He looked up from his cards to stare at Ronon curiously.

The other man shrugged. "If it was really important they would have paged you."

A quick look at his headset sitting nearby told John that it was still indeed on, and had someone needed him he would have heard it. Confused, he stood up, placing his cards carefully face down on the chair so Ronon couldn't see them, before heading for the door.

Briefly he wondered if Teyla had finished watching the movies he'd lent her, and was stopping by to return them. But then he remembered that she'd had plans to visit the mainland for the evening, so he doubted that was it. Unfortunately, that really only left one more person…

"Rodney," John said in acknowledgement as he opened the door.

"Oh, hello," he said as he stepped into the room, not waiting for an invitation. "For a second I thought maybe you were asleep, and then I would have had to apologize, but thankfully you're not." He smiled and added brightly. "So, no apologies from me."

"Right…" John said slowly.

"Hey, Sheppard, hurry up!" Ronon called from across the room. "I'm just about to look at your cards."

"Don't touch them!" John said warningly, shooting a glance over at the Satedan. It was only then that Rodney noticed John had company.

"Oh," he said, looking more than a little crestfallen. "I didn't know Ronon was here."

John smiled. "Yeah, well, he is."

Rodney sighed. "Okay, well… I was going to see if you maybe wanted to join me in the cafeteria for a game of Trivial Pursuit, because my copy just arrived today on the Daedalus, but it looks like you're busy, so… I'll see you tomorrow then," He finished pitifully.

He turned to leave, but John, not quite able to believe what he was about to do, stopped him. "Well, unless you've got someone else waiting to play with you, you could always…" He let his voice drift off as he waved his hand over in the direction of his and Ronon's card game.

Rodney's face brightened instantly. "I could?" He asked, his voice a conglomeration of excitement. Then he coughed twice before adding in a more collected tone. "Well, if you really want I suppose I could stay."

John sighed. "Yeah, stay."

Rodney smiled ear to ear as he practically bounced over to the other side of the room in excitement. "This is going to be fun," he said.

As John followed Rodney over, Ronon shot him a glare that McKay was dense enough not to notice. John shrugged his shoulders and tossed his hands up in defeat. 'What?' He mouthed, and Ronon shook his head.

"Does this mean I get to steal all of his money?" Ronon asked, excited.

Rodney paused mid-step and turned around to look at John. "You're playing poker?" He asked, his voice nervous. "I don't do poker," he added, wringing his hands together nervously. "What about Go Fish?"

John rolled his eyes and practically shoved Rodney into the other chair he had in his room. "It's a guys night out, or in rather," he explained. "We are not playing Go Fish."

"Wait," Ronon said, looking back and forth between them. "What's Go Fish?"

Rodney smiled and leaned forward in his chair. "It's this really fun—"

"No Go Fish," John stated angrily. Then turning to Ronon he added. "Trust me, buddy, you don't want to know."

Rodney sighed loudly and sank back into his chair. "I guess I could just watch you," he said, folding his arms across his chest like a two year old.

Ronon sent another glare in John's direction, presumably for ruining their night, but John ignored it. He grabbed a handful of pennies form his pile, as well as from Ronon's and placed them on the floor beside Rodney. "Well, I guess we'll just have to teach you," he said, eyeing Ronon in a way that was practically daring him to disagree.

Then Ronon smiled unexpectedly, and John wondered if he was missing something. "But first," Ronon said as he reached to the far side of the bed, his hand dipping down over the side of the mattress. "You need this." He pulled up a bottle of beer from the cooler that was sitting there, and popped off the cap with ease before passing it to McKay.

Rodney looked at it warily. "I don't drink either," he said sheepishly. "Well, there was this one time in college, but believe you me…"

Ronon shoved the bottle in Rodney's direction and soon the scientist had reluctantly accepted it.

"If you want to stay for guys night," John said slowly as he re-dealt the cards. "Then you have to play poker and drink beer."

Rodney eyed the bottle suspiciously. "Well, I guess one drink won't kill me…"

Six beers and three hours later John was beginning to wonder how it was possible that a drunk McKay was more annoying than a sober McKay.

"I fold," Rodney stated proudly, placing his cards face down on his lap before sipping happily at the drink in his hand.

John sighed in frustration. "Rodney, how many times do I have to tell you: if you fold, you aren't going to win."

The scientist grinned. "That is very true my friend, but neither will I lose."

John shook his head and returned his attention back to his cards. "Unbelievable," he muttered under his breath.

"It's a game of chance," Rodney explained.

"We know," Ronon and John replied at the same time, trying to stop the explanation before McKay gained any headway. Unfortunately they weren't successful.

"Chances are you aren't going to win, so that's why I'm sitting here playing it safe."

If that wasn't the most ridiculous thing John had heard in ages, he didn't know what was. "The whole point of the game is to take risks, Rodney. You haven't bet anything all night."

McKay smiled proudly. "I know, and look," he pointed down at the pile of pennies at his feet. "I'm breaking even. I believe in the poker world that is considered a good thing." He took another drink from his now near empty beer bottle, his smile still firmly in place. "You know, I'm actually really good at this game. I think I see a new hobby in my future. Well, you know, between me saving the galaxy time and time again and refining my theory of unification."

John groaned, wishing the night would just come to an end. "All in," he said suddenly, moving his pile of pennies next to the stack on the bed between Ronon and him. Ronon raised his eyebrow questioningly and John jerked his head in Rodney's direction, and then mimed the action of shooting himself. Ronon choked back a laugh and McKay was completely oblivious to it all.

"Me too," Ronon said, tossing the rest of his pennies onto the pile.

Before the two of them could reveal their cards, Rodney suddenly clued into what was going on. "Wait!" He said loudly, turning to look at John. "Are you sure you want to do that?" He asked. "It's a very risky poker move."

John gritted his teeth and forced a smile. "I'm sure."

Rodney shrugged his shoulders and slouched down in his chair. "It's your funeral."

Two seconds later when they did reveal their cards, Rodney was quick to shout out, "I told you so!" Sure enough, Ronon's hand had beaten his. At this point though, John did not possess one iota of care, because the game was done.

"Congratulations," John told Ronon enthusiastically, shoving the pennies towards him. "You win." Then belatedly he added. "Ah, I guess this means we're done." He had to refrain from pumping his fist in the air like an adolescent.

"It's over?" Rodney asked sullenly. "Couldn't we play just one more game?"

Ronon stretched his arms over his head before hopping off the bed; his moments surprisingly lithe considered he'd been occupying the exact same position for several hours.

"Sorry," John said, trying to keep the elation he felt from entering his voice, lest it give him away. "We might have a mission tomorrow, and we wouldn't want to be too tired."

Rodney's face lit up as the thought sunk in. "Right," he said. "Smart thinking."

John nodded, more than happy that the night's end was now in sight. He glanced quickly at his watch and realized that it wasn't even that late, even though he felt like he'd spent an eternity in his room. It was like McKay's mere presence could slow down time… and not in a good way.

John was about get up, when Rodney pushed himself out of his chair. He only remained vertical for a total of one point two seconds, and then he was falling. Thankfully Ronon had lightning fast reflexes, and before McKay could fall all the way to the ground, the Satedan had grabbed hold of him by the shoulder, propped him up in something vaguely resembling a standing position.

Withholding a laugh, John got up from his own chair and asked, "How you feeling?"

Rodney looked slightly green. "Um, maybe calling it a night is a good idea."

"Yeah," John agreed. "I thought so."

Ronon slowly released his hold on McKay, who then took a shaky step before tilting at an interesting angle. He was saved once again by Ronon, who this time clutched the back of McKay's shirt tightly in his fist.

"Whoa," Rodney said. "I have not been this drunk since college." The look on his face was one of sheer panic and John couldn't help but laugh at him.

"You look terrified," he stated, still finding the situation beyond amusing.

Rodney turned his head to look at John with horrified eyes. "The last time I was drunk I did something terrible."

John's eyebrow rose with his curiosity. "Oh really?" He somehow doubted this would be a normal drunken college student mistake.

Rodney nodded. "The Mensa chapter had this huge party, and then after I left, I remembered that I still needed to finish my calculus assignment."

Oh yeah, totally not a normal college moment.

"So I went back to my dorm and did my assignment."

"Wow," John said in a flat voice. "I can see why you're traumatized."

"No," Rodney said fervently. "There's more." He paused. "I did one of the questions wrong. I got an A on the assignment, not an A plus."

John nodded. "Okay…"

"Look," Rodney added pleadingly. "You guys have to promise you won't let me go near my lab tonight."

"Why?" Ronon asked from where he stood, still holding Rodney upright.

"Because I might make another mistake!"

John snorted. "Like that's never happened before."

"What?" McKay asked in confusion.

"Never mind," John replied. "Ronon, promise the man you won't let him near his lab tonight."

Ronon shrugged. "Fine, I'll walk him back to his quarters. I don't think he's going to make it on his own anyway."

Rodney's body sagged with relief, and Ronon grunted as he was forced to support the extra weight. "Thank you," McKay said solemnly. "You guys are the best friends a man could ask for."

"Say what?" John asked, not entirely sure how they'd segued to that.

"Well you know what they say about friends, don't you?"

John eyed him suspiciously. "I don't know if I want to know."

Rodney smiled, still obviously drunk. "Friends don't let friends drink and derive."

* * *

The next morning when John was called to the briefing room, he arrived to find the rest of his team waiting for him. Ronon was titled back in one of the chairs, twirling a pen between his fingers. Teyla was waiting patiently, her hands folded together and placed lightly atop the table in front of her. And then there was Rodney. He was hunched over, head lying on his arms on top of the table, with a massive mug of steaming coffee sitting directly beside him.

"Morning," John said, taking an empty seat.

"Not so loud," McKay hissed, not bothering to raise his head.

John laughed, feeling more amused by the previous night now that it was over. "Head hurt?"

"Yes," Rodney grumbled, trying to burry his head further into his arms. "I think I might have a hangover," he admitted reluctantly.

"I think so too," John said cheerfully, smiling at Ronon who smiled back.

They sat in silence for a moment, before Rodney's head suddenly shot up off the table. "Oh my god, please tell me I didn't do any work last night. The last time I was drunk, I…"

"We know," Ronon and John replied in chorus.

Rodney's head dropped back down onto the table, and he cursed as it hit the wood.

"Besides, Rodney," John said slowly. "What kind of friend would I be if I let you drink and derive?"

McKay opened one eye and angled his head to peer at John from across the table. "Oh no, please tell me I did not use that stupid math joke…"

John grinned. "You did. And believe me, you're never going to live it down."

Rodney let out another pitiful moan and went back to hiding his face in his arms.

Teyla looked at John curiously. "Perhaps I think it is better if I do not know?" She asked, her lips twitching as they threatened to break into a smile.

John smiled back at her. "I think you're right."

"Guys night?" She asked, smiling.

John nodded. "Yeah, just be glad you aren't a guy."

The End


End file.
